Not having the best day
So I don't know if anyone reads this, and I am not sure if I care whether anyone does or not, just felt like having a rant.
I am having a day filled with self doubt and negative thoughts.
As you will know from previous blogg entries, my "light-bulb" moment was when I stood in front of the mirror and really looked at myself and what I have become. I thought about how disgusting I looked and how I needed to change.
Well I still feel that way. I still feel disgusting but I feel like I will never be able to change. I mean I feel determined enough to lose the weight but feel like it won't change anything and that I will be permanently scarred by the way I have treated my body.
There is so much extra weight I am carrying that my body shouldn't be. I am "Stretched" beyond repair and I don't know if I can shrink back down.
This seemed to make more sense in my head and seems stupid now that I am typing it down ....
Maybe I fear changing because this is all I have ever known, this lifestyle. I don't really know what I'm saying... how is it I feel like I am failing before I have even started?